Barack Obama’s First 100 Days on Facebook
Many news websites are abuzz reporting on Barack Obama’s first 100 days in office. Slate has a tribute that brought me smiles and lols 
I’ve converted it into a jpg for easy viewing below:
Again, credit goes to Slate.
African Roulette
When the delegate from the emerging African nation was in Moscow, he watched a game of Russian roulette. Someone put the barrel of a piston to his head and pulled the trigger. One of the six chambers contained a real bullet.
Now the Russian delegate was visiting the African nation.
“We would like to show you our version of roulette,” the Ambassador said. “We call this African roulette.”
“How do you play it?”
The Ambassador pointed to the six buxom African girls sitting in a circle. “Any of these girls will give you a blow job.”
“Where is the roulette part? Where is the jeopardy?” the Russian asked.
“Well,” said the African Ambassador, “One of the girls is a cannibal.”
You think you know someone..
A boy asked his father…
“Dad, is it true that in some countries in Africa, a man does not know his wife until he marries her??”
Dad replied….
“Son.. that happens in every country!!!”
Rubberized sticks
A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find that it is overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!”
The blind man replies, “If you would’ve put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!”
Learn this, Seriously
Father: “I want you to marry a girl of my choice”
Son : “I will choose my own bride!”
Father : “But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.”
Son : “Well, in that case… ok”
Next – Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : “I have a husband for your daughter.”
Bill Gates : “But my daughter is too young to marry!”
Father : “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.”
Bill Gates : “Ah, in that case… ok”
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. “
President : “But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!”
Father : “But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.”
President : “Ah, in that case… ok”
This is how business is done!!
Buyer Beware
A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player.
Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, “What would happen if this does not work?”
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, “GUARANTEE NO SPOILT”!!!
Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.
He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, “Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.”
The Story of a Man
1. When I was born, I got a choice – A big dick or a good memory. I’m unable to remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: It’s nature’s way of saying “no hard feelings”.
5 There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – “don’t” and “stop”; unless they are used together.
6. Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages to sex in a person’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity… it’s a lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss; only down under.
14. A newly married couple were happy with the “whole thing”. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing!
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn’t.
16. Q: What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.
17. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.
18. Of course you’ve heard about the Viagra computer virus; it turns your 31/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
19. Despite the old saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many men still sleep with their wives!!!
SPREADING THE HAPPINESS :D
Firstly, see this (thnx to Kootoot!!):
NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
..which led me to find this:
Dramatic Chipmunk Hey
..which was inspired by this:
Dramatic Chipmunk
..which in turn, inspired this:
Dramatic Cat
Ahahahahahaha spread the joy!
An Open Letter to Barack Obama by Ricky Gervais
Anyone who knows Ricky Gervais knows this is gonna be some funny shyte.
Without further adieu.
Dear Mr President,
Firstly, congratulations on your historic win. I have never been so behind a candidate for what must be considered the boss of the world.
You seem to be a man of grace and integrity, who would never shirk responsibility in any way.
I’ll get to the point.
As I’m sure you are aware, one of your flock has strayed. A Miss Paris Hilton, who is, I believe, a resident of Beverley Hills, is in England doing a reality game show for ITV2 called Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend. Fine. I have no problem with that. I don’t have to watch. But now it has come to my attention that she has bought a house in North London a few miles from me, and is out and about ingratiating herself with the Great British public.
Mr President. We are not stupid. This is clearly a retaliatory strike for Posh Spice moving to LA. I know it, and you know it, so let’s cut the “it’s a free country” nonsense and come to some agreement.
I propose an exchange.
This is how it would work. We call them both and tell them that we’ve found a giant “paparazzi nest”, in New York say. (half way home for both of them already)
At first they may be confused that they’d never heard of such a thing before, but the thought of that many photographers in one place will be irresistible.
Once we get them there, while they are having their photos taken (we will have hire a few guys with cameras to make it look good) we will swap their limos around. It’s fool proof.
This is a covert operation of which Mr Gordon Brown knows nothing. (I’ve got him working on finding a synthetic fur for The Queen’s guards’ bearskin hats.)
Have your people call my people. They may have to call a few times as my people are useless to be honest.
Thank you,
Ricky Gervais
Valentine’s Song by Muttons at Midnight
Muttons at Midnight. Some Singaporean radio show I guess. Featuring Maple Story, which I haven ‘t seen in ages!
SUPER FUNNY Huahahahaha
Who needs romance when you can have this instead? Ahahahaha
“..should’ve bought me flowers, should’ve bought me diamonds too… now you’re DEADDD…” xD
