Some things in life are meant to be shared. Not all things. It has been my experience that certain things work out for the better when only the relevant and thus appropriate people are in the know about their progress.
People have an innate inclination to cause havoc in other people’s lives. Is it because of the gratifying nature of wielding a certain power over another life? I suspect so. I like causing havoc as much as the next guy, but I much prefer it when things work out for those close to me, because their happiness = my happiness as well.
Power is a significant force. The power that I refer to here is the aura of confidence and invincibility that comes with achievement. It is unmistakable in those that have it. When I say achievement, I don’t mean specific things like getting a high score on a test, or even getting an internship/job. It can be anything, like getting a compliment from a stranger on the sidewalk, that girl finally agreeing to go out with you, that boy finally agreeing commit to you, or finally having enough money to buy an old record player. What matters is that the achievement represents a direct correlation between work and reward – I worked for it, therefore I got it. Every human being needs this positive recognition from other human beings.
The problem is the underlying feelings and mindsets that positive recognition gives a person. For one, as mentioned earlier, it enables us to reconcile our labor with their fruits. Secondly and perhaps more significantly, it is a direct message from other human beings to us saying that we have been doing the right thing all along. This makes it difficult for us to determine what we did do right and what we didn’t. Most of the time, it is more convenient to say things like “it was part of the experience.”
The challenge for achievers comes in the form of this question: What’s next? Where do I go from here? What do I do now? What else do I have to achieve that is important to me? In my opinion, the last question is the most pertinent, as it doesn’t only ask the question of what I should do next, but what is actually important to me. Deciding our priorities can well be the most challenging and heartbreaking thing we do in our lives.
So where does privacy fit in all this?
One of the hardest things we can learn in life is that we cannot please everybody. Before, everybody could be divided into two big groups: people who matter, and people who don’t. Being approved by the former group would obviously be the priority and thus determine the course of our actions. But as time goes on, the people who matter begin to diverge into groups of their own, each with their own specific demands of you. What happens when one day, you get 100 groups, each consisting of a single person?
Privacy is the tool we need to insulate ourselves from the fires of unnecessary human intervention. Warren Buffett famously said “a public-opinion poll is no substitute for thought,” and that his idea of a productive group meeting is him looking in his mirror. While humorous, one can’t help but sense the years of experience and wisdom those quotes are rooted in. Do not dismiss the power of your own thoughts; without them, you are but an empty vessel.
People like it when they are greater than other people. The greatest groups of friends remain so because they have an implicit understanding of each others’ strengths and weaknesses – a diverse group that gives all members an opportunity to shine. No group of people can stay together without every member being positively recognized what he/she does, be it by each other, or by others. I believe that growing as a group is important, but it can only happen in conjunction with growing yourself – privately – and receiving approval for it.
Treat privacy as if it were a life. Respect it, never endanger it, as you would with life.
