Personality
They say our personalities are established when we are young, and reinforced as we grow older.
Although certain traits may increase and / or decrease in intensity over time, the major traits themselves largely remain similar, with few or no new traits gained or lost.
Don’t know if this is scientifically proven, but it sure seems that way.
Some notes
Restructured my Chrome bookmarks – for some reason I kept limiting myself to one browser window before – thought it was more efficient. Then quasi OCD-ness made me keep rearranging tabs so that tabs in similar categories were close together. No more – they are now all their own folders, to be opened group-mode in separate windows. My first 30 minutes doing this has been a revelation – so much smoother, especially when combined with Mac’s trackpad magic.
Note – Keep eyes open to new opportunities to improve, even in the unlikeliest of places
Took a page from my project – started tracking more items, but in personal life. I believe all knowledge and experience should be documented, what more when gained alone. It is the only way to pass it on to the future generation – document now, we can deal with how and when to pass it on later. Google Docs are really powerful – I think I’ve only begun to scratch the surface of what can be done with it. On that note, it seems like we (now) have alot more technology than we know what to do with. The last time I remember being in control and using technology to the fullest was with my Nokia 6600 – 6 years ago? Since then, things have evolved by leaps and bounds – losing my Android phone in 2010 also contributed – but I now have a better appreciation of what I truly need / use.
Note – There will always be extras – the trick is to be certain about criteria; about needs vs. wants
I will be making some interesting choices this year – they will be in the spirit of taking the road less taken. Though I’ve been given lots of opportunities, the past 3 years have shown me that there are whole worlds out there yet to be explored. The hope is to continue doing what’s meaningful to me – not simply earn a paycheck. I realize this is a luxury, but only through doing meaningful work does one’s best emerge – this is something smart companies would do well to not ignore. Again, a question of needs vs. wants. Only time will tell.
Note – The only limits are those we put on ourselves.
Come Into Your Own
What a year. Crazy ups and downs for everyone.
Some people got attached / engaged – gained loved ones.
Some people lost family members / friends – lost loved ones.
I suppose this is what time does. It gives you a chance, an opportunity, with each passing day, to come into your own.
Any change in our lives requires us to give up a part of ourselves. Gaining someone requires us to share ourselves. Losing someone takes a part of ourselves away.
Whether we willingly gave it up or it was forcefully taken away from us, whatever remains of ourselves has to be that much stronger to continue living.
We are a little fearful and nervous because with each passing day, we are reminded that things are changing; transitioning from being supported to supporting ourselves, and others.
Yet here we are.
The people I know reading this are a strong bunch. We do not give in, we do not give up. We do not know if we can make it through the year, but we will live as though we will.
We will gain strength, lose weakness.
We will gain wisdom, lose folly.
Most importantly, we will look to the future – what we can still change – and not forget, but learn from and appreciate the past.
Come into your own, and all the best for 2012.
Jeongmal?
Why do people do this? Severe lack of respect.
What is so hard about being upfront about something that is going to be known anyway?
Why do some people think that they are the only ones who can control the flow of information?
No – information is like water, it will find a way. Also like water, it is better to receive information in a known, expected way (eg. drink) instead of an unexpected way (eg. tsunami).
Have fun with your so-called “control”. And of all the people.
….ay, shibal..
Vision
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”
We are taught for most of our lives answers to pre-determined questions, as well as the means and methods to arrive at said answers.
I think increasingly important though nowadays is the ability to formulate / ask the right questions.
In this age of hyper-connectedness, answers are a few clicks away – it’s the questions, or more specifically, the right questions that remain elusive.
To ask the right questions, we need to have a good working knowledge of ourselves. This remains a severely overlooked aspect in many societies – emphasis is given to external learning, not internal.
But it is only when the self is nurtured and indulged – often at the expense of others – that one is able to ask deeply insightful questions and therefore work towards finding deeply insightful answers.
What remains is to temper that insight with a profound desire to improve the world – any part of it, be it human life, plant life, or animal life. It is when these elements meet and mesh that great changes seem to happen.
I’m trying to look for my definition of an ideal future state. Climbing out of preset thought-boxes and trying to quiet my mind to the noise of orthodox convention.
Somewhere only we know
I’m probably going to regret deliberately writing so ambiguously for the longest time.
When I think I can get away with just being myself, a sign presents itself telling me otherwise.
I don’t know what to do — I need a safe place to write.
Peaks, Plateaus, & Valleys
If the idea of life was to achieve balance, there would have to have to be equal number of peaks to plateaus to valleys.
Say you assigned a fixed number of each, like 500. Also say you’d clearly defined what peaks, plateaus, and valleys in life mean to you.
If you’d had 2 peaks in a row, would you make an effort to engender one of the opposing elements?
That’s a little like asking about a blackjack game in a casino. If you’d gotten lucky twice in a row, would you deliberately make a wrong move on the next hand – expecting to counter a possible turn of the tide?
Or would you go with the flow – trusting that life will create balance with the assistance of time? In any case, here’s something humorous I read and kind of agree with:
“Luck is what happens when fate gets tired of waiting.”
Full Circle
Things always have a way of balancing themselves out — and coming full circle. It’s what makes the infinity symbol so intriguing – I still haven’t decided whether I am more scared or in awe of the idea of a perpetual loop.
I suppose it’s a reflection of how eventful one’s life is as one starts to notice more and more things coming full circle. The passage of time, the resolution of events (or not), and the resulting events all serve to start a new circle, part of the bigger loop that we call life. Our loop may end at any time — which is why it is important to keep moving.
Overconnected
The age of overconnected-ness has begun.
Between Twitter, Facebook Messenger, MSN Messenger, Yahoo Messenger, Google Chat, Facetime, Whatsapp, and of course normal phone and texting — there is no logistical limitation to getting a hold of someone. Unless the limitation is self-imposed.
Conversations rarely have clear beginnings and endings anymore — communication is evolving to a Push To Talk setting – walkie-talkie communication — no more long letters or emails, but short sentences and phrases at random intervals in the day.
Good / bad? I don’t know.
Technology seems to be pushing us to share more, especially in this age of live updates. But what good does it do? We are taught to filter our words and actions before actually saying and / or doing them. Then again, it may not even be a question of technology but culture — items posted may very well be filtered beforehand. It just seems a little counter-intuitive to provide a medium to stream one’s life in public in real time and having to filter it at the same time. I suppose the consequence of this technological enabling would be that individualism is strengthened; self-expression becomes more prevalent, and more people than before feel more free to be opinionated.
Where does this take us?
Of course there’s the other side of the coin — to balance the abundance of public sharing, there will also be an increase in private sharing. As more and more public opinions are shared, there will be more and more private discussions about those public opinions. Opposing opinions will fight to have their space to be aired, as well as to discredit other opinions — ironically, having unprecedented access and abilities to share information may end up widening the communication gaps between us.
I’m not suggesting that technology shouldn’t progress – I do feel that we need more credible sources of information — and ways to verify such.
Exciting times.
Quick 2
Is this what it means to differentiate? Is this how it feels to pick a path and stay on it, even though it seems like the most difficult thing you’ve ever done? Is this the time that defines the rest of one’s life?
Many things I could have done differently – but I wouldn’t be where I am without having done things the way I did. I’m sorry.
The ends justify the means.
Quick
“Black and white gives way to black and red.”
“A one-man army conquers nothing.”
“To learn something thoroughly, teach it.”
“Sometimes doing your best is not good enough. Sometimes you must do what is required.”
Irony
Those who don’t need anything need the most.
Those who have everything have nothing.
Those who love, lose.
Those who lose, love.
Those who are honest lie about everything.
Those who lie are honest about everything.
Those who try to escape succeed.
Those who succeed try to escape.
Those who know everything know nothing.
Those who know nothing know everything.
Those who talk much say little.
Those who talk little say much.
Those who fight everything fight nothing.
Those who fight nothing fight everything.
RIP Steve Jobs
I was shocked when I saw this on Apple’s front page.
Then it hit me as I was explaining to my housemate – I have been through lots of phases with this guy.
First I just knew him as “the Apple dude” – disliked, almost hated him because he made expensive products that existed in their own ecosystem, separate from the rest of us mere mortals using PCs.
Then in college, I found out more about his history, NeXT, Pixar, and etc. – and bought an iPod Mini. Started to dive deeper into supply chain and order fulfillment etc. – iTunes was genius, and the iPod as a slick medium to deliver the true product – media – struck me as pure genius. Started liking this guy.
I started working, and for some reason began searching for commencement speeches – because those speeches tend to have uplifting messages about the future. Jobs’ 2005 commencement speech at Stanford was one of those that blew me away. Already then he could tell the writing was on the wall – his words were blunt, but so sincerely reflective that I could not help but admire the guy.
Then I found out more about his legendary temper, his tantrums, and his unabashed bashing of employees who were being “fucking idiots” for coming up with “bozo ideas”. Here was a guy who openly shared his feelings, however bad they made the receiving party feel – and yet he was revered, respected, loved even. Couldn’t help but feel envious.
Worked for a little longer – bought a Macbook Pro, iPad2. Saw his vision unfold at my fingertips. As I used the products it finally came full circle – the guy was a genius, and I couldn’t help but like him for what he’d done for technology, for the world. Literally a world-changer. How many people have that distinction?
Steve Jobs was a genius, and still is an inspiration. RIP.
Why?
“I don’t know what scares me more — the horrors that are inflicted upon us, or our ability to endure them.”
Why do we put up with the things that we do?
If ignorance is bliss and knowledge is power – what happens to people who are happy when they have power? Or those that feel powerful when they are happy? Do they know they are ignorant? Or are they ignorant of what they know?
Scapegoat
Sacrificial lamb.
What you call it, some unfortunate person always ends up being it in a situation gone bad.
All we can do is take steps to ensure that we are as covered as we can possibly be because we can’t stop situations from going bad, but we can (hopefully) ensure we don’t take the fall when it comes time for heads to roll.
Regret
Wish I’d had it in me to write more about what happened before. So many ups and downs, and all I was concerned about was (is) how to move on, how to escape.
Did I learn lessons? Yes. Will I remember them? I don’t know, since I don’t remember everything that happened because I didn’t write them down.
It should be done, though – it should be recorded somewhere before the memories are lost forever.
Thought
People my age have spent 24+ years learning how to do more, want more.
How many years would we need to learn to want less and be happy with what we have?
Diffidence
Leads to many self-imposed limits. We are told, shown, taught, and made to associate certain skillsets with making certain achievements – in other words, we are made to think that there are only a limited number of ways to get to a destination, and also taught what destinations are to be thought of as desirable, or otherwise.
But these self-imposed limits can be lifted as well. The hard part is acknowledging that there is no right or wrong path – we need to think in terms of black and white, we need criteria to give ourselves the illusion of objectivity. The truth is any road can take you anywhere – it’s just a matter of how long the journey will be.
Better planning leads to shorter, more efficient journeys – does this mean it was a more successful one? No – often journeys that have unplanned detours are more eventful – whether they are happy, angry, or sad events is another matter. It is undeniable though that any event that happens to us at all affects in some way, shape, or form. Some events have too small of an effect on us, leading us to think that they did not affect us. If you quantify it – I had 342 things happen to me today, for example. Add that to the total of 9,823,435,324 events that had already taken place in my life – that number has only one way to go – up. Things that happened cannot unhappen.
There are no mistakes – there’s things we do, and things we don’t do. Every action has a consequence, but we must remember that inaction has consequences too – at times greater than if there were action.
The longer we pigeonhole ourselves as a certain type of person – possessing certain skillsets and not others – the more we begin to believe our self-spun tale. We falsely believe that knowing ourselves requires knowing our limits. Sounds perfectly sensible and safe – but is that a fact? When we think we “know” something about someone, is that then inscribed in stone? No – the only constant about people is change. In reality, the only fact is that there are no limits – only those that we create for ourselves. We can use them for us, or they can be used against us – only we get to determine that.
Conundrum
As the sun rises up on our lives, we seek “bigger” and “better” things. When the sun begins to set on our lives, we seek “smaller” and “simpler” things.
Why the pursuit of complexity? Why does our education consist of putting us through progressively harder problems? Why are we taught to think in terms of limits – and then to surpass them?
A parent attempts to control offspring by creating limiting concepts – “do not jump in the water – you might drown”. But on the same token the parent wishes that the offspring will somehow not drown – will somehow unleash a hidden talent for swimming.
Why create a limit then, if what we want is to be limitless? Maybe we’ve weighed the pros and cons and decided that the risks of the cons outweigh the benefits of the pros. But do they really? By whose definition?
Problems are designed – someone determined that a certain level of difficulty corresponds to where a person should be mentally at that point in life. But those who do not abide by these limits are encouraged; those who surpass them are rewarded. So the real lesson is to ignore imposed limits.
A puzzlemaker doesn’t want to make a puzzle too difficult to solve – like a videogame designer does not want to make a game that’s too difficult. Ultimately the challenge is not to create difficulty, but to create a high enough difficulty that’s still solvable. Give people the illusion of (their) intelligence.
This indirectly creates a limiting situation – limit the difficulty or risk alienating others. I’d think that someone who hides treasure wants it to be found, eventually. Be pretty sad to know that you were too good at hiding treasure – it was never found.
So what do we do? Do we pander to the masses or play it to the limit and risk alienation?
Cost
Lots of thoughts running around. Need to get back to basics.
Opportunity cost – per minute, hour, day. Is what I’m doing worth the time I’m taking to do it?
Emotional cost – per minute, hour, day. Is what I’m feeling worth the energy it costs?
Another one line entry
“The worst thing you can do for those you love is the things they could and should do themselves.”
- Abraham Lincoln
The Forgotten Years
August 5th, 2011 marked 5 years since I left Malaysia for USA, and 2.5 years of being self-sufficient.
August 28th, 2011 marked the end of 4 years spent trying to be happy with someone, but eventually having to face the realities of life overseas.
Where did the time go?
Movies
Recently watched:
1. I Saw The Devil (Korean)
2. Old Boy (Korean)
3. Legends of the Fall
As someone close to me would predict (and she would be right), I am deeply affected by these movies.
I’d elaborate, but I just can’t find the words to do my thoughts justice. Maybe someday.
